Dear Bun, I miss you so much. Yesterday we brought your remains home, but it feels like you stopped eating just yesterday, and we only have hours left together. I still can't believe you're gone. I still keep looking at your old spot and want to serve you water and treats and get you settled in for the night. I miss the sound of you slurping water and the gurgles it made in your belleh. I still keep getting the sink ready in case you need a bum baf. I keep waking up at night to check on you in case you flipped over or went on one of your EBA's. I keep hearing the noises your bum leg made when it hit your bundo.
I try to imagine you on your journey to the Rainbow Bridge. You're free of cataracts; your leg is healthy, and you can be anywhere whenever you want to.
I hope you paused to hop around the moon a couple of times. Everybun says it's quite the sight. One of our hoomins called it the "magnificent desolation." Is he right?
What miracles can you see now? What really makes up the black holes? Do you get to play with photons? Can you see the x-rays coming from distant nebulas? Can you surf the gravitational waves? Do you like the sunrises and sunsets over the Ganges? So many questions and so little peace at heart.
Sometimes I imagine you are still with me, much larger, though, bigger than me in fact. You become a large, fuzzy and furry cocoon around me. You tower over me. I can hide inside you now, and I'm peeking through your semi-transparent form, looking out through your massive chest. You're surrounding me with your presence, always here, never leaving me and me never leaving you. I'm so glad you're willing to share yourself like that and comfort me.
I will never feel like I have done enough for you, or that I took good enough care of you. You have changed my life so much, I can never reciprocate that. Your presence and departure only deepened the mystery of what you did and how you did it.
- Your hoomin.